This morning, I found out that a ministry friend had passed away during the night after a long battle with cancer. Even as I sit here pondering what to type next, I realize she was more than that to me. God used her and her story in a pivotal moment in my life over 20 years ago that sticks with me to this day.
In my first job in ministry, I served as the youth minister at my church; a job I started three months after Julie and I got married. We were young, I was immature, and we were very green when it came to ministering together, but we loved our youth group and we enjoyed serving them together. I served as youth minister there for three sweet years, and during that last year, it became clear to Julie and I that God was calling us to seminary. So, having surrendered to the call (and believe me, it was a surrender – a story for another post sometime), we prepared for our last summer doing ministry at that church. Part of that summer included our first mission trip with our teens. We took our kids to Ocean City Baptist Church in Ocean City, MD to serve in their resort ministry for a week.
Backyard Bible Clubs at various campgrounds, helping serve a meal to the lifeguards, even helping another local church paint and get their building ready were all on the docket. But, I didn’t know all that at first. I found that out on the initial site visit to Ocean City. Freshly accepted to Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, TX and planning our transition, I was on top of the world. I was seeing my future in ministry laid out in front of me, and I couldn’t wait. With this mission trip, Julie and I would be finishing well, and then it was off toward whatever God had coming next. I don’t think I could have been more excited.
That’s when I met Tanya, and my view of life significantly changed. Tanya was the daughter of Lynn and Terry Davis. Terry was the pastor of OCBC and Lynn ran the resort ministry there. When I first met Tanya, it was brief and kind of in passing. Lynn introduced her, I said, “Hello,” and that was pretty much it. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I heard her story. Tanya was somewhat recently back from Southeastern Seminary where she and her husband, Ray had lived. Ray had just graduated not long before that, but Ray wasn’t with her. Ray had just died of cancer.
Wait, what?
Ray, who was just a few years ahead of me in terms of preparation for and participation in ministry, who had faithfully followed God’s call to seminary, and had just finished school with his whole life in front of him, had just lost his battle with cancer. I don’t think I can quite put into words what an eye-opening moment that was for me. When that story hit my ears, I experienced a shock. How could God call someone to seminary, and then have them go through the process of gaining that education only to take them home prior to really being able to use what they’d gained? I didn’t know how to deal with that, and I just kept turning it over and over again in my mind. I remember giving Tanya my phone number at the end of that weekend and saying something like, “If you ever need to just talk, give me a call.” It took me several years to realize that I was the one who really needed to talk.
When I left from OCBC that day, I remember driving north into Delaware and just parking and walking along the beach and thinking about Ray and Tanya’s story and praying that God would help me to make sense of it. And over the course of the next few weeks, months, and years, He did. As I wrestled with that thought through the remainder of that weekend and beyond, I experienced a total paradigm shift in how I viewed God, ministry, and life. I recognized that I have no idea how much time I’ve got and that I need to live for God in every moment of everyday. There are no guarantees for longevity, and I must cherish every second God gives me and use it to His glory as best I can. In fact, not too long before I went to OCBC for that initial mission trip, I shaved my head for the first time as a reminder. I wanted to remember Ray and all God taught me through his story every time I looked in the mirror as I headed off to my first mission trip and seminary two weeks later.
Those teachings have stuck with me even through today, not that I live it out perfectly in every moment, but I now have core beliefs that are molded in part by what God started showing me that weekend. So while I hated the pain Tanya had to go through with the incredible grief she had faced, I’m grateful for the way God used her and a man I never met on Earth to show me things I needed to learn that have shaped me in ways that have now become second nature to me.
Last night, Tanya lost her own battle with cancer. She was 50 years old, with an amazing husband and four wonderful children. Beyond that, she was a beautiful testimony to God’s grace during suffering. She was faithful to the end. I can only hope that if I ever have to face that kind of adversity, I’ll be able to face it the way she did.
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